Two kinds of men

According to the author of "Eat Pray Love" in her sequel "committed" she says "Science now shows there are two kinds of men." in her book she says Long chromosome men are devotionally monogamous. They will almost never stray. They are usually happily married men. I've met some of them..Ive tried to get their attention but even a vixen in a slinky red dress does not ignite the bull to chase the flag. No go, Ferdinand chews the daisies and shoots the shit with the babe just waiting for his one and only to ignite his fire but not any body else will do.

On the other hand, short chromosome men seek out constant new tastes of woman, they may also be good family men and providers but they really feel fine about having a few flings or at least imagining many flings, and they absolutely can not stop themselves from flirting. He'll be flirting with me and another woman at the same time while his wife is standing right there! These are the guys who we women meet all the time because they are the ones who hit on many. so they make it seem like this is the way men are.

We don't meet the long chromosome ones very often cause they stay home studying to be able to provide for their future bride or are with the kids and are already married for life and all settled ( we only really meet them if they are colleagues, or are going to propose to us) The scientists conclude from this that one kind of man is meant to keep the DNA mixed up and fresh, while the other kind of man is meant to raise children with women!

Today one dear friend of mine got really mad at me for my last post about the whole Dakas' reality. He said there didn't seem to be any love in it . I think my friend is a long chromosome kind of lover. For him to be a Daka would be a nightmare of endless emptiness without love. But for a short Chromosome guy maybe its a dream job...I can just hear the testosterone question throbbing "how can I find my free clients!!?"

My friend also admitted he was pissed off that there are no Female Dakas (who work for free) when for the older generation of men he complained that his generation of women can be so uptight or disinterested...so then instead of Female Dakas for men there are only prostitutes. ONLY prostitutes? yeah and lots of them! doing a job that is very sought after! and punished by law for providing a service many men seem to rely on! Yet When the Daka turns his attention one hundred percent on her pleasure, the way she wants it, on her terms, with out any ego issues with that, according to my Daka friends, suddenly many older women are super hot to party down! Maybe its not that us women over fifty are so dried up, maybe we are just bored of the game the way its been played so we think there is nothing in it for us any more when we are actually at our most incandescent flaming!.

I was trying to explain to my irate friend that the male Dakas job is to counter balance the male prerogative of assumption and usury that women are hammered by daily. By the time our lover wants it just his way one more time, we have already accommodated him a thousand times without him ever seeing even one of our sacrifices. Yet it is up to us women to change things by showing up in our truth in a kind and forgiving and loving manner...that is unless we are in a relationship in which we absolutely can only be heard as the warrioress!

Many men who I love very much, in my life right now are unknowingly blind to the way they dominate over me in conversation....have you ever noticed how often men finish women's' sentences? I feel enraged by this, because then they create a chain of reactions to a phantom of me they are imagining when I am right there being ignored and falsely defined! What about talking over us? Have you noticed men talking louder in a room of women and spilling out all their thoughts for so long that non of the women can speak until its too late and the party is over?...as if the women's' thoughts are not going on or just as important? have you noticed men changing the subject when a woman is knowledgable? Or getting irate when they are challenged instead of enjoying the debate the way they would if she were a man? I get so disoriented when a male "friend" Simply undermines my point by randomly disagreeing as a way of getting attention back to himself and shaking my confidence so he feels more attractive by showing he is "smarter".

These ways of being disinterested in listening to women of course come into the bedroom...because as my brazilian lover I loved so much always said "Foreplay begins all day" when the listening and responding and connecting is top priority all along the way throughout the mundane day...yet even in my modern empowered life wonderful men including him have been as impervious and in denial towards my reality as white people like me are to black peoples challenges when resources and power are not equally shared.

Us white people want approval from black people so we can feel hip and vindicated in our greed. yet we are stealing power even as we assume the right to ask this undeserved favor. Men steal power from women in the same way when they want sexual fulfillment but dont want to validate women's feelings and respond to our requests as readily as we constantly respond to theirs. And women are the black people of the world, we dont want to be selfish, but we need to learn from men the upside of selfishness!

If this writing moves you please consider... Is there any woman who you judged, and dismissed and threw out of your heart because she did not match your idea of morality from your advantage- point? Did you value her perspective at the opposite place from yours as a possible miracle of growth for your self? If instead you forsake her because you didn't take the time to learn from her perspective, please go to her, apologize, listen to her without judgement, don't condemn what you don't even understand, embrace the new!

Thank her for the gift of her courageous intimacy with you that helps you to be so much more real! Remember, unlike you who can say whatever you feel like saying without serious risk, she risks almost everything most important to her to be truthful to you ...because she values you, and she risks losing you. Her real feelings seriously dont just rock the boat, She's afraid because her truth is likely to topple the boat! ...and thats just the beginning because maybe she never wanted the boat at all she wants to swim with you!

Or at least she might like to take the ors half the time in the way she wants, and go where she wants, without any backseat rowing, or criticism ,or patronizing guidance...can you dig it? That is until its your turn then hopefully now she wants to surrender into your way of providing the whole experience and maybe she rocks the boat with you in the best way when she pulls you down into the hull....just let the boat go astray sometimes ok?...or circles...we all gotta rock the boat somehow!!

Why are men so often blind and deaf to women's' requests? Because for almost all races on the planet the trump cards of the deck are in mens hands to play the game of success with. This advantage is a no brainer...who will win and get their way? Women lie or are silent because male approval is often at the base of women's survival. Telling it like it really is is too scary, because all we have to do is bring up one little thing that is very important to us and suddenly all our primary needs are at stake as well as the survival of our children. Its so not worth that terror, so we repress over and over again until we are no longer recognizable to ourselves. Who would we be and how would we live on our own terms?

It seems like its not worth it to speak up! So women lie to make the men who help them feel good and stay attracted to them, so that their man will want to keep helping them survive if only in small ways (small ways add up to surviving! ). Just like a black person might pretend everything is cool to a white person who is their boss or who stops their car at night; The one with the advantage never learns because its just not safe to tell them the truth!

Oppression is so subtle and insidious when its a way of society. But wether you are a long or short chromosome kind of guy I send you blessings, but think about it with me, how to pass this onto the younger brothers.....if a woman must ask to have her lover put her pleasure on an equal level as his own then there really is not partnership love there yet...and if this is the case she is likely never to ask because ... Im speaking for my own past self....

She may never ask because...

* Because she doesn't know how to articulate her longing,

*she doesn't know exactly what to ask for,

* she doesn't have the strength to defend herself because she has too many people she's caring for, so when the man treats her with distain for bringing up something that he fears will imasculinate him its one thing too many,

*her heart breaks when he punishes her with degrading insults or worse cuts her out of his heart until he sees fit so she will think twice before she is such a trouble maker again.

*she fears for her physical and financial safety if she rocks the boat,

* she doesn't believe he could meet her needs if she asked,(and she's probably right it will take a while to train him if it wasn't in him to create the experience for her by now)

* she doesn't want to have to train any one or run the show of her own pleasure one more time, she wants him to come up with the whole idea so she can really experience being given to, thought of, loved, cared for, brought into an adventure beyond herself.

* she wants to enjoy surrender, so at least by following his lead she can surrender to his will if not real mutual passion.

*she can agree with her own fear that her own needs are a nuisance

* she'll try to win his devotion because " she does him so good" by sublimating her own desires she hopes to gain security.

* Even if she is cowardly about receiving her own desires at least by only giving she can pose as all giving to herself, (and win her own approval as a selfless good woman)

* she is afraid of her own unexplored body, and is happy not to be made to face her own fear of herself.

* Its likely there are painful sexual abuse memories that would come up if she let herself go all the way into her longing...loss would come up first, and it would be overwhelming!

But lookee here! ....I been through all that, an Im talkin! So thats why its god for him to initiate and insist on drawing out her truth and acting on her pleasure, and hearing her inner life....make her feel you need to know her! Let her know in your beautiful humility how It is your privilege to serve her joy!

Yet when a woman finally get brave unfortunately our requests at first sound so unusual , so shocking and clumsy to the men and ourselves, Its as if we are the only one who ever asked for anything of the man and he wants to prove to us that we are just unreasonable, all alone and too demanding. My lovely bitchy sister, be unreasonable! Dont back down! But do it with love in your heart for your wonderful man who can't see just yet, any other vantage point except that of his regal kings place he has grown up inside of...your going to need to take notes and emulate some of that entitlement if you are ever going to claim your life!

We don't need to try to take him off the throne , I just need to take my place on my queens throne of my own domain.... not as his side kick messing with his territory or trying to co-rule in his land, but ruling a vast country of sweet feminine bounty all my own, where I invite him into at times and also ask him to leave when I need my space, my heaven where he will be completely rejuvenated by all my backwards laws when he finally no longer resists me! Where he will have so much life changing fun learning all the customs of my upside down Queendom...

Its about time we women were more generous with our selves, and so then able to invite and welcome men into our heart land where the senses and intuition, and sensual play, and heart connection, and children, and homey domestic peace and great luscious food, and crazy undomesticated beauty, and Art making, and wild partner dancing, and live music making, and nature oneness, and lovemaking (on all seven chakrahs) and spirit communion, and laughter, and service to all our relations, and worship of the mystery, and just being ...these are the top priorities!

I have experienced all this in a long intense journey. when I begin to speak in a queenly way, I am awkward and I am not heard as valid, I am so jagged and afraid and diffensive I am not seen as having an equal right for my way to be followed, because I dont yet fully believe in my shaky voice...at first my words come from my deep primordial unconscious exploding without censore.

But this is a big challenge I face. And I dont want to do it alone any more in the secrecy of this so called evolved New England "community" behind doors all winter. Of course At first you men dont want to give up your preferences (who would? its terrifying when your right of way has always been assumed!) How will you put her as a top priority when everything she wants seems to be in opposition to you? But you just dont realize yet that you need her way! You havent experienced female agenda working you over because we women havent shared enough with you yet, we find our secret solace behind closed doors with each other and then wonder why few men know how to play with us on our terms. But you may be lucky...say you were the only boy with many loving sisters? In that case you got a special dose of the secret realm of the magical feminine heaven...

But what if its time to share completely equally all resources...does she get the money for food for baby? thats not fair ,,food for baby is not her need its babys need for both parents to sacrifice for....with what remains does she get a massage when she has been up all night nursing? or he get beer and cigarettes or time to chill while she goes crazy for a break? and pleasure in sex if she needs much more time spent on her to open up...is that equal if he needs and gets less than her? Or should she just get on his time table and hurry up?...

What about power in the work force really shared?.... and political agendas turned upside down towards life engendering simplicity, and money if its a joint account who decides where it goes, does she have to ask permission to do what her heart delights in? and chores (all of them) , and childcare ( all of it) , and free time how about more togetherness, and more freedom of autonomy for other friends! Spiritual life priorities set up that include her career and bliss path!, religious male supremacy toppled, church shared with a female Deity, and air space for communication (equal! deep listening all the way), and sound space in the house , what if she hates TV and wants calming music? does the news and ball game shred any hope of sacred feminine interior space for her? Not any more! Woowee! Im on a fun rant!

Thats a lot of entitlement to let go of! No wonder women's rights have slid backwards in this country and we cant seem to pass the women's rights bill. But I think we are also afraid of losing our male female polarity dance. And with out it we sense there would be no fun in the dance! And we women still hope that by not having equal rights we wont have to sign up to never be supported by a man again. Maybe some of us still pine for the daddy to take care of us we never had so we want to remain infantile without power just incase prince charming could still do everything for us.

How can we embrace equal rights and male female romantic polarity? Divine paradox! Equal rights for women should not be about us having to get everything men set up that we dont even want, it should be that men get everything they have been missing out on since we women hid from the world to be like men. That was a really dumb idea, a really long lonely historical interlude...we were playing at powerlessness to give up believing in our deeply feminine principles. maybe equal rights means equal value for our differences and this sparks the polarity of our eternal courtship....but this time its much more fun and on purpose!

Fore example when a man who loves me does begin sharing and listening with me, he is not disempowered and I do not become more like him ...its the opposite. When I do it right, my man gains a much more deeply feminine and expressively affectionate me, and the love and trust and support from me and other women in his life at a whole new level! He begins to have space and time for his feminine aspects to bloom, his real sensuality to fulfill himself! Yet this makes his masculinity stronger!

This Drawing is one I did of a friend who was about to take a transformative weight loss journey. (He totally succeeded!) His power animal was so apropos,-Snake who sheds his skin! This friend was the kind of perhaps double chromosome guy who ( like myself) has both sides...the devotional spouse and the sacred Ho, some how united. It seemed to me that like many super consciouse men I know, because he was so in-tune with women's' energy he was being requested by women to play the Daka as well as the true husband. What then?

And what about women's' chromosomes? Once again the study was done just on men!

Lets let the snake be the power animal for all of us (instead of Eve's evil seducer let him be our Divine guide! )..Snake is also the kundalini, the magical phallus, the creative life force of sacred sensual awakening, the transformative power of pure cosmic energy, she/he is our own undulating revolution from within when we all begin to share our real truth more vulnerably, and with delicate intimacy listening and responding as we shed the skin of our egos! Namaste! In love with you for going all the way on this journey with me by reading this! Thank you so much! 
with all my heart, love Eve Christoph